HELP! I’m a procrastinator.
2018 was THE year of procrastination, lemme tell ya. I once watched an entire season of Sex and the City in one weekend when I sure as heck had more important things to attend to.
The problem with procrastinating is that it doesn’t bring you joy. No! It only brings anxiety and guilt and an overwhelming sense of dread and desperation that turns into frustration, low self esteem and feeling like a failure. This sounds terrible! My brain knows that very well, but somehow I always end up watching just five more minutes of that episode or, oh just let me listen to this podcast real quick. Then it’s just hours and hours gone to waste doing things that are absolutely pointless.
I’ve learned that I cannot allow myself certain pleasures. Like – wait for this – I haver never. watched. an. episode of Game of Thrones. Yep, that’s right, I said it. Not one single episode, nor do I plan on doing so, because when it comes to certain things in life, I’ve learned that I’m what they like to call an abstainer. So it’s much wiser for me to just eliminate the option completely than to try and find balance. I can be so disciplined about certain areas of my life: I’m not a compulsive buyer, in fact I tend to be an under buyer – a quality that annoys my friends endlessly. But if I sit down to write a paper or get any work done then suddenly the word discipline has no meaning to me and I’ll most definitely watch that episode. And that’s why I no longer start any new series! I don’t need any new excuses not to do work, and I know that half an episode can turn into an entire season very, very fast. I’m a hazard to myself.
And you know this is exhausting, because I keep putting things off but the thought of having to do them never leaves my mind, so it’s a constant reminder in my brain, a ticking clock that nurtures my crippling anxiety.
But this year I am determine to break this awful habit. The instant gratification that used to be so effective in my decision making process no longer fulfils me. Now just the thought of putting something off worries me enough to not put anything off, which I’m aware it still makes me sound crazy, but at least I’m not a procrastinator in addition to being crazy. Making progress!
If you know what I’m talking about and you can relate to this very real struggle, please let me know your thoughts and experiences so I can feel less alone in this journey. And on a final note, let’s laugh at ourselves here. If you haven’t watched the Inside the mind of a master procrastinator Ted Talk by Tim Urban, please do so because it’s genius and hilarious. And oh my, sadly true.