November’s theme seems to be longing. Longing for the future, missing things never lived, places you’ve never been. Wanting to become the person you want to be but not knowing how to get there, making stops along the way, going nowhere fast.
It makes me think of all the plans we made that never came through.
We think we always have time.
There’s never enough time.
I’m constantly trying to tame parts of myself that don’t seem adequate, chasing a better version of me, a woman who is free from self-doubt and insecurities. I’m in a constant state of change, reinventing myself, letting myself down, getting frustrated, making peace with myself.
I find solace in the words of different writers, who always seem to know the answers. I get out into nature, take comfort in music, embrace escapism and distractions in the age of chaos. Suspended between who I am and who I aim to be. I fashion a new identity for myself amidst all the uncertainty we live in. I’m a complicated, adventurous woman. I’m a mosaic. I’m made of small irregular pieces of places I’ve been and people I’ve met, held together by grit and grace.